F.M.L.

Worn out.

"Life isn't fair...Get over it." That's what i see on the tag inside my boxfile. Somehow it doesn't seem to motivate me at all. I feel sucky. I want to rest. I just want to forget everything. Don't remind me anymore, please. Let me get on with it.

Buried with homework. Crippled with tests. Drained-out by trainings. Getting overpowered by infatuation. That's school life for me, and I don't need to ask for more. I'm already in the ultimate sian mood, totally don't feel like doing anything. Having the sudden urge to pon school tomorrow. Nvm.

I'm speechless. I'm going to cry. For no apparent reason. Can't possibly be the emo aura in my house.

God, save me from this agony. I don't want to keep on pretending that i'm happy 24/7, but i don't want to affect the people around me as well. It sucks.





"The sky turned cloudy that day."

It's Personal.

You know, sometimes i'll really appreciate it if people just take a few steps away from my privacy.

My life's currently getting screwed up with homework and tests, and some...well, assholes, hence the missing posts for the past few weeks. I'm currently trying my bests to mug econs; my test's this friday. Apparently, it has been relatively unproductive. I can't concentrate, yet i can't find the distractions that are affecting me.

I strongly want to say it out to someone, but i believe that if one person knows, it is bound to spread. So, i shall just forget it. Let nature take its course, and hopefully it provides a somehow advantageous path for me. But, apparently something or someone out there is F-ing my life up. zzz. Go away.

Innocent? I don't think so. Give me a good reason why i should accept you. I'm currently contented with the friendship we got, anything beyond that, don't bother. I believe it won't work out. Hate me or not, your choice. That's all i have to say.

And to those gossip-mongers out there, give me back my life. Screw me upside down all you want, just don't get the other party involved.

FML.

Ok. Back to econs. FML.

K.O.

AYG finally ended. Here comes spammage of tests.

2 tests on a saturday. And i'm sick. GG. Chem and Maths... I think i should be able to make it. Good luck to me.

There's still something that i'm unsure of.

May your wish come true. (:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

to me.

(:

MIA.

jia lat....so long never post liao. been busy with AYG, so yea...=/ TIRED.

3 more days... (:

I love you, dad.

A few more minutes to father's day. Managed to buy a cake for celebration despite my current situation. I'm left with 4 solid dollars in my wallet now.

"It just adds on."

Going to celebrate Nicholas's birthday at Shenn's, on a father's day too. I need the correct mood, or i just won't enjoy. And did i mention, mom was kind of pissed with me for not spending time with them on a father's day, a significant day?

Birthday? Father's day? Family day? FML.

School holidays are coming to an end soon. That means block tests are arriving. Screw them all.

Drained. Sucked. DRY.

My poor wallet.

Bryant photocopied a bloody thick Chemistry book for me = $25
Damien paid Shenn's present for us 1st = $7 or $12(pending)
Hockey fund = $25
Nicholas's birthday = $15

GRAND TOTAL = $77. This is what i owe.

That's all i can remember so far. I believe there's still someone or something that i haven't paid. FML. My final $50 from my red packet isn't gonna be enough.

Fuck.My.Life.

DRY.

When you say nothing at all.

"I don't know how,

I don't know why,

it just came to me like that.

It's not meant to end up like this."

Got to pull myself together. I know i can do it. It shan't affect me. IT WON'T.

Or at least, i hope.

Get on with it.

Life. Loser word.

"What if, science and techonology didn't advance, will i still be able to slack my ass off the computer?

What if, all the teachers in the world disappear, do i still get the education i'm having now?

What if, there's a sudden widespread of disease that kills all the crops, will i still be surviving in this world?

What if, i hadn't known her, will i know what love is?

What if, i hadn't existed, does it make a difference?"

Oh god i sound like someone.

"I'm just a little bit caught in the middle; life is a maze, love is a riddle..."

-The Show by Lenka

Seriously, this is stupid. What's with the both of them. It's way over already. What's the point of all the talking if it doesn't come to any conclusion but more sadness? I know i've got no say in this, but it's just getting more irritating. I can listen to both their rants, and yes i can try to help at times. But, JUST LET IT GO. It's normal to get emo at times, but not overboard.

I'm actually taking a risk by typing the above out, but i just have to express it out. I hope this don't affect our friendship. Jia you.

Let it be.

Friendship or sex?

Finally managed to clear some misunderstanding between my friends. Quite a screwed up topic, but yea. -.- C'mon, don't emo liao. We meant you good.

"Because you deserve better."

- M1

Had a not-very-productive day...almost finished my chemistry tutorial. Went to IT fair with Damien, Nicholas and Jia Xin. Everything there looks tempting, but i got no fricking money. :( Had dinner at Marina Square and talked cock from 8.30pm all the way to 10pm.

Extensive mugging starts from tomorrow. Good luck to me. But i hope i don't need to skip my class BBQ. Screw life.

"Life isn't fair...get over it."

P.S. I hate getting dao-ed. I'm not invisible after all.

My fellow assholes. (:

SHAGGED.

Pwned 2 nights for Shenn's birthday chalet. We had LOADS OF FUN. PS2, PSP, poker, vodka...did i just say vodka? I died on the first night. zzz. Photos are on facebook. Go check them out yourself, i'm too super lazy and tired to upload any photos.

I don't know why. I'm actually feeling quite emo when i got home. Must have missed all the fun. Shit la i'm in total play mood. Then i realise, my current sexy clique, how long can it sustain? Grahh FML.

I'm going to spam all my homework from tomorrow. No more play. That's a promise to myself.

ROCK ON, ASSHOLES.

Burn the weekends.

Hello. I finally gathered enough effort to come here and crap again. (:

FRIDAY.

Chalet at Pasir Ris Downtown East! Made my way to pasir ris from red hill. Saw my hockey coach in the mrt, like omfg. He entered from city hall, dressed in slippers, shorts and a simple T-shirt, armed with newspapers. UNGLAM to the max. Lol. Met up with Li Lin and Cheryl at 3.30pm, and i realised i haven't seen Cheryl for a fricking long time. And basket, she called me an overbaked cookie. Grahh. Met up with the rest of the primary school peeps at 5pm+. Headed for the chalet, stoned inside. Started the bbq-ing around 7 plus. Overall, had fun lah, though i smell of chicken wings and satay at the end. This is the somehow interesting part. I saw people making out in the chalet. WHOOHOO. XD

SATURDAY.

Slept at 4am, woke up at around 8plus? Shagged. Studied with Jia Xin and Damien at west mall macs in the evening. We touched the topic on sex. HAHAHA.

SUNDAY.

Blah.

TODAY.

Hockey training in the morning from 9am to 12pm, went home and did my chemistry tutorial 1. TIRED.

I'm so bloody hell looking forward to this wednesday. Chalet, again. This time, it's the assholes. ASSHOLES!!!! XD

AND DID I MENTION, I'M TAKING OUT MY BRACES THIS FRIDAY? XD

Gaming addiction.

Recap of yesterday...

SPAMMAGE OF ARCADE!!!!

Hockey training from 9 to 12 noon. Rushed home to bathe and change, then chiong to bugis to meet the fellow assholes. Pwned the arcade from 3 till around 5pm, then accompanied Jia Xin to Plaza Singapura to meet her friends for dinner (PS KIA). As for the rest of us, we had pastamania for dinner. Continued spamming arcade until around 9 plus.

One word. POK.

Today.

Woke up with a headache. Went to school around 11 plus to do homework. Not really productive. Only managed to finished organic chemistry tutorial zzz. Played volleyball with some assholes.

Screw tuition. The stupid centre wasted my time again. Grahh.

Tmr's my primary school chalet. And i'm on a super tight budget. I shall not give in to peer pressure. hahaha.

Slack.

Happy June. -.- Holidays are officially here.

Recap of yesterday... Went to school from 8am to near 6pm.

8-9am: GP TCA2...GG.

9-11am: Chemistry mass tutorial, combination of 4 classes i think. Almost KO-ed inside lah. The good news is, I HAD FULL MARKS FOR MY CHEM ENERGETICS QUIZ OMFG. Cheers.

11am-12.30pm: Lunch at KFC with some 09S09 freaks. (: Xie Jing dropped her cup of cheese, and splattered some on a stranger. Everyone from JJ laughed like shit. LOL.

1-3pm: AYG meeting. More like slacking, rather. -.-

3.30-6pm: Played volleyball with Yuyong, Jacky, Ee Chow and Kai Xian. Damn fun, although hand quite pain lol. I'll just stick to hockey.

Went over to Nicholas's house at around 9 plus, watched "the uninvited" and played Left4Dead. Slept at 2am.

TODAY.

Continued slacking in Nicholas's until 2pm, headed home and packed my chemistry and physics file. DAMN BLOODY THICK. And i still have some notes missing grahh. I suspsect I lost a stash of school crap somewhere in my house.

Had a short chat with my young auntie, and realised that she has been learning hip-hop for 4 years in Studio Wu!!! A pity i'm broke, heck just read my previous post damn it. Pardon me for lagging, i just realised the Great Singapore Sale started on 29th May. I can totally forget about it.

I FREAKING NEED $$$$$$.

It seems like there's a growing trend of people breaking up. To all girls/guys still hanging on to their relationship, JIA YOU ah, don't let the pathetic weather affect you. (:

It sucks to be penniless.

I woke up with a nightmare. It's quite hilarious actually. I dreamt that my parents were questioning me on why i got a girlfriend and never told them. I totally freaked out and tried to recall how they found out about it. Then i suspected something was wrong. I DON'T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND AT ALL, HOW IS IT POSSIBLE? That's when i woke up. Sigh, must be yesterday.

Met up with Bryant and Jia Xin at queensway macs for some casual studying. Nicholas joined us around 4pm. Managed to read through my GP skill pack 2 and did one question of chem tutorial. Sucks. Left with Jia Xin for SMU around 5.35pm. Watched K.O night. DAMN NICE. The dance, the outfits, EVERYTHING. If only i have the money. I need the money. Here's my wishlist.

-Everlast sneakers

-Black formal top

-More bermudas and long pants

-A sexy-looking hat

-No degree specs

-more T-shirts (white and black)

Stop dreaming, Jack. My apologies to Shenn, because i ps-ed her. I can't join the dance classes. I'd love to, if i have the money and my parents won't object to it. Yet another aim shattered. It's really heart-aching when i'm unable to afford the stuff i like. Now i'm really starting to worry about June. The title says it all.

Ate KFC with Jia Xin, then trained with her to Jurong East. Here's another funny encounter. We saw this guy at a corner seat in his beauty sleep. His mouth was wide open, head tilted up. We laughed like shit. Reached home around 11.30pm. Mom and dad were quarrelling.

AND...

I just got fucking owned by dad. 

Dad: YOU ARE 17 YEARS OLD ALREADY, YOU SEE BOTH OF US QUARRELLING. CAN'T YOU EVEN BOTHER TO GIVE THAT CONCERN WHY WERE ARE QUARRELLING? WHOLE DAY ONLY KNOW HOW TO USE THAT COMPUTER..."

Me: I INTERFERE WITH YOUR PROBLEM, YOU TELL ME GET LOST. NOW I DON'T INTERFERE, YOU COME AND SCREAM AT ME. WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?

Then he changed the subject.

Dad: LAST TIME TELL YOU TO BRING THE COMPUTER OUT ALREADY WHY STILL HAVEN'T. I WANT YOU TO DO IT RIGHT NOW. NOW!

Me: (reaching boiling point) I CAN CONCENTRATE BETTER IN MY OWN ROOM, AND I TOLD MUMMY ALREADY.

Dad: DON'T TEST MY PATIENCE OKAY. I'M ORDERING YOU TO DO IT NOW!

Leaving with no other choice, I brought my precious mac out, totally pissed off. In the process...

Dad: NOT HAPPY JUST QUIT SCHOOL LA. ALL THE STUPID IDIOTS IN THE HOUSE...

Me: YEA LA ALL THE STUPID IDIOTS LA!

Dad: YOU SCREAM AT ME SOMEMORE!

Me: (exceeding boiling point) IS YOU COME AND DISTURB ME FIRST OKAY! I COME BACK NEVER EVEN SAY A SINGLE WORD AND YOU COME AND SCREAM AT ME!

Dad: DON'T COME AND TALK COCK WITH ME...

Me: (interrupting) I'M NOT TALKING COCK.

Then i just stare straight in his eyes.

I'd wished to quit school, dad, but this is Singapore. What happened to all the encouragement to study when i was addicted to games last time? Now i'm working hard, you claimed that studying is getting me nowhere.

I'm crying at the moment. I feel really, really bad and guilty after yelling at my dad. But i just couldn't control. He has his limit, so do i. That explains why i always chose to go out and hang out when i have the opportunity rather than staying at home with them, doing nothing and even worse, having more quarrels.

Must be the weather, and i hope it's just the weather. Losing communication with parents once more. Life just sucks, same old sentence. I'm trying my best not to emo anymore, but now... i know i've failed.

My sunday's screwed up. JUST LIKE THAT.